I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize