My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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