Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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