if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
