My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
