do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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