you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
