apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
