If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My life is pants optional.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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