On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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