Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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