Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
