I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
