No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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