Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
