Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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