Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
