There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
