i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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