She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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