I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
