I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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