chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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