Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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