It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
