those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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