Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
