I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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