Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
