your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
