Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize