we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize