I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
