My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
