i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
