People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
