Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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