Screwed.edu
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
