you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
