i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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