I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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