yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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