I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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