we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
