I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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