I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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