And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
