If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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