Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
