white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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