how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
