he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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