look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
