I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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