ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
now i know why i became what i already was.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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