I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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