I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
