nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
