Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
