The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want to have your abortion
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
