Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
