We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
