Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
