Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
