birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
