***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
