Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
